Dan's Mass E-Mail

Summer 2001 (Instalments 15+)

Instalment 15: May 15th, 2001

Allllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhty then. Yup, you guess it. The ever popular "Dan's mass e-mail" is determined to make more comebacks than Michael Jordan and so I present yet another instalment of what the Globe and Mail calls "the feel good movie of the year."

Well, as you probably know, school is out for the year so I can finally relax without having the burden of evil TAs to worry about day and night (well, just day really). Still, it's hard not to get nostalgic about the past year so I thought I'd wrap it up with some of the more memorable quotes various teachers made over the past school year. Site back and enjoy (or just send this to the recycling bin).

Quotes:

"The pissed and pooped all over us and it made our day"
-Anthro Prof.

"If you're travelling in the African jungle, you could get lucky…like I did a month ago… (long pause) when I saw the (some fancy name) monkey."
-Anthro Prof. in a TV special

"All the action happens upstairs....Unlike at my house."
-Anthro Proff talking about...well...you be the judge

"Cows are spheres."
-Physics Prof.

"Imagine the earth as an onion"
-Physics Prof.

"It is nice to have air."
-Physics Prof.

"Just imagine Preston Manning or Jean Chretien running around like Bill Clinton"
-Poli-Sci teacher from Dan's fun Poli-sci adventure

"Can a monkey who uses sign language be considered virtuous"
-Kid in Ethics, proving why the class is a complete waste of time

"That's an absurd position which no one in their right mind takes."
-Ethics teacher to dude in back in response to, well...his position

"If someone asks you if they look fat, Kant would tell you to say 'I need to get an ice cream cone' or something to avoid the question."
-Ethics teacher unintentionally explaining why Kant never married

"Not everyone needs sex. I realize that's a concept which is hard to grasp for some of you."
-Animal Bio Proff

"If you think I'm bad, wait until you see me wife."
-Math 221 Proff

"This is the occult of Mathematics."
-Math 253 Proff

"We then use the magical integrating constant."
-Math 253 Proff

"Laplace transforms I have known and loved:"
-Math 253 Proff

"It's been a pleasure teaching you. I hope some of you pass."
-Math 221 Proff

One-Liners:

Ethics teacher: "Canada gets much revenue from taxes on gas, cigarettes and alcohol"
Dan: "Fun fact: 28% of the Canadian GNP comes from alcohol tax paid by Lindsay Kromm alone."

Bio teacher: "If we can get this working, we can look at slides. Won't that be fun?"
Dan: "Funner than this"

Math 253 teacher: "I have this seminar where I pretend I'm an alien from another planet and I report on how math has evolved on my home world"
Dan: "You don't get out much, do you?"

Physics teacher: "We can draw a graph to make it more boring"
Dan: "As if that's possible..."

Physics teacher: "Does anyone have a chicken feather with them?"
Dan: "Darn it. I only have emu feathers on me today."

Bio teacher: "...cut their sex organs off and put half a dozen in a box and give them to someone."
Dan: ...umm....there are times when even I am at a loss for words.

Well, that's it for next week. So, whether you're giving gopher sex organs to that very special someone or no longer allowed to do so because of a restraining order, remember to lay off the E. Coli and avoid Bio 231 when filling out your course selection for next year.

Cheers,

Dan